Man, college theatre is going to be great. They have live music at Muhlenberg Theatre Association meetings and orange-eating contests that have nothing to do with oranges! There are so many nice, fun people here. I don't know any upperclassmen (I talked to one or two, but it was pretty intimidating-they're too cool for me), but the Walz Hall theatre floor is so much fun! People sit in the halls and play guitar whenever they please. When I found out that my roommate and I both knew all the words to Godspell I knew Muhlenberg was the place for me. I can't wait to be in a show. I have my pick of three different Mainstages to be in. It shouldn't be too hard to get a good part; I scored a lead in last year's school play, so I should expect at least a good supporting role here. I heard the casts lists were just posted in the Lav Lounge. I asked someone where that was and they said it was in the TP. I didn't want to look like a dumb freshman, so I didn't ask what the TP was. I know a lot of theatre stuff happens in the Trexler Pavilion, so maybe I'll find it in there. Well, time to go see which show I got into! I feel like finding a hat and throwing it in the air because I'm going to make it in Muhlenberg theatre after all!
Is this the wrong cast list?
Well then. Perhaps things didn't go exactly as I had planned. Half of the theatre floor got in On the Town, but that is no reason to want to scream, cry, hate everyone, and quit college. There are still Blackbox auditions. Eight shows. One me. Those are surefire odds. I am a theatrical gem about to be discovered. Those Mainstage auditions were just a warm-up. Heck, I bet they cut me so that there'd be talent left over for these shows. I was important in high school and I'm going to be important here, too. I can feel it this time; I'm going to be the star of these Blackboxes. They would put me in all eight of them if they could!
Eight cast lists, no me.
I turn to my dog Toto and say, "I don't think we're in Jersey anymore."
Upon realizing that I have no dog Toto, I think about why I didn't get into any shows. I can't be that bad. Then the notion of doom sets in: I am a freshman. I am lowly, two cent, bottom of the barrel freshman scum off the bottom of someone's shoe, and I'm not in a single show. But, but... this isn't right. I was a senior three months ago! A big bad senior! This can only mean one thing: I have no talent, I am hopeless, everyone is better than me, I was stupid for ever thinking I had a shred of talent, I should never try out for a play again, and I do not belong at Muhlenberg College. Theatre and I are over!
After I'm done throwing myself a pity party, I attempt to plant my head firmly on my shoulders and think about what went wrong. There must be some reason not to take this as a sign that I should crawl up in a corner and not emerge until graduation. I had always expected that theatre would be there for me. It was always just a question of which part I'd get. For the people in the Muhlenberg Theater Association theatre is more than just a passion, it's life. The people who make it here are the people who devote their educations and lives to theater; the only claim I can make is that theatre is my beloved extracurricular. All I can say is I love it will all of my heart.
How will I ever be someone here when there are MTA members who should be on Broadway and all the other MTA freshmen I know were all the undisputed stars of their high schools? How can I deal with sitting in the audience and clapping and smiling for my classmates when all I long to do is jump up and be a part of it? Here is the terrifying yet true conclusion: I am a freshman, and I can't just start at the top. I must force upon myself the optimism to call this a learning experience. There are plenty of opportunities, like community service theatre groups, writing articles for the MTA newsletter, and participating in Marathon Theater (which is actually designed for freshmen). I do have a shred of talent, and there will be a place for me in this big, bad world of Muhlenberg theatre.
So as I sit in an underslept haze after the 23rd performance of Marathon Theatre watching the lines on my paper start to move and get blurry, I look around at my passed-out comrades and realize that this is what it's all about: we're all in this crazy MTA world together. Maybe, I think to myself, Muhlenberg isn't such a big, bad place for a little theatre nerd like me.